meditations on a fragmented identity

recently, i've been asked how i do both kathak and odissi. and the only thing i think to say, after having let both of these movement styles simmer within me, is that both styles co-exist in one body but they both embody different lived experiences, unravelling in different niches of each limb. to experience this has further reinforced my belief that dance is the body's way of recording collective experiences, in order for them to be re-experienced and infused with new, individual, temporal and spatial context. 

at first, i saw these two planes as parallel; existing in the same universe but following different paths. all dance exists this way, to some extent: in the same system but inhabiting different planes, each one accessing a different axis of that shared ecosystem. i now realize that rather than being entirely parallel, these planes sometimes intersect. maybe i tend to think of it this way because in addition to being an artist, i am also a scientist. meaning that i not only experience two different movement styles at once, but i also simultaneously experience two ways of life that are seemingly diametrically opposed. the fact of being a science phd student and an indian dancer is often met with raised eyebrows which i usually dismiss with an exasperated, commiserating laugh and a "yeah it's hard, but it works". that second sentiment, that idea that this isn't really as foreign as it may seem, is the truth. and that has slowly become clearer and clearer to me.

i am a person who believes in pursuit rooted in deep rigor. this is what drives me to do the things i do. that's what drives me to study "classical" dance; that is what drove me to do a phd. and in that process i realized how all of life exists in these intersecting planes -- that there is no such thing as a purely scientific or purely artistic individual. my phd has taught me that scientific thought begins with an idea sparked by imagination, by visualization. i read once that this is how einstein derived his theory of relativity. at the same time, real intentional art needs process, it needs scientific rigor. so in a way, to be a scientist is to be a shaper of nature and to be a dancer is to be a shaper of space. this is how i choose to reconcile my multiple identities -- as cohabiting one space, revealing pockets of my identity wherever they reach.